I feel horrible :[

It's like everyday there's something putting me down further and further and I can't talk to anybody about it. Whenever I try to talk to a friend they make a joke and move on, when I want to tell my mom I just don't do it. Because I've tried that so many times before and it always just makes me feel worse when she says "yeah yeah" and watches tv. When I try to tell my dad he acts like he knows what I'm going through and gives me advice that isn't even relevant to whatever the fuck I told him. He's obviously not listening. I have no one to talk to and I feel so lonely.

I just don't know what to do. Everything I do feels so useless and stupid. I had a dream the other night about an old friend and he gave me a hug, a great hug that made me feel so happy and safe. Then when I woke up I could still feel it and it made me so sad because there's nobody to comfort me like that anymore. It all feels useless. I feel guarded all the time because I feel like at any given moment someone will insult me and I have to be ready to take it. Someone is going to accuse me of something that I didn't do and I have to take it. Because no matter what I say and no matter what I do it never makes a difference. I'm stuck.